This is the last thing a triple-meat hoagie with extra bacon ever sees. Just one more reason to thank God you’re not a sandwich. Kelly Clarkson performing at KISS FM’s Wango Tango over the weekend: PHOTO SOURCE: Mavrix Online Related Stories Mariah Carey Got FAT Kirstie Alley Talks About Her Weight Gain on Oprah Jessica Simpson is a Lard Ass Kim Kardashian Still Claims She’s a Size 2 Russell Crowe Loses Weight for Robin Hood

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Kelly Clarkson is a Fat Ass

A lingerie-clad Megan Fox lounges between the bedsheets and later “nibbles seductively on a chicken drumstick” (their words, not mine) in a new video for the latest movie edition of the notoriously faggy Esquire magazine. The Daily Mail says Photographer Greg Williams shot the hottest actress with a hi-tech Red One camera, which meant he could grab stills of her at the end. He recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage - getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, lighting a barbecue.

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Good Morning, Megan Fox

Jessica Simpson invokes old Hollywood glamour in a shoot by famed photographer Mario Testino for next month’s issue of Vanity Fair. While the photo shoot is lovely, the interview inside, not so much. The article begins like this : [Simpson's] record sales, which peaked in 2003 when [Newlyweds] was in its prime, have fallen ever since — [her] country album sold fewer than 200,000 copies. Her movies: Blonde Ambition grossed $1,771 on its opening weekend; followed by Major Movie Star, which went straight to DVD, where it sank without a trace like a wounded ocean liner. In short, it’s been a bad time for Jessica Simpson: flop, flop, country flop, fat picture. She didn’t want to talk about her weight, so, of course, that’s all I could think of: What are you working on now [that you’re fat]?

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S.S. Jessica Simpson in Vanity Fair

Jessica Simpson — who battled scrutiny for her new curves earlier this year — is working out again. And she doesn’t like it. “On my way to workout with my trainer,” she wrote on her Twitter page Monday.

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Jessica Simpson Complains Her Trainer Is Making Her Do Squats

At the behest of his producers, Russell Crowe shed the nearly forty pounds he put on for “Body of Lies” for his upcoming title role as Robin Hood. Insiders say the weight loss was mandated by studio execs after “Robin Hood: Prince of Cheese Dumplings” failed to resonate with test audiences. Before: After: Related Stories Russell Crowe is Too Fat for Sienna Miller Jessica Simpson’s Fatness is Daddy’s PR Stunt Jennifer Love Hewitt Still Fat as Ever Jessica Simpson Dropped by Label Thar She Blows, Kelly Osbourne Off the Port Bow

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Russell Crowe Loses Weight for Robin Hood

Remember a few years back when Jessica Simpson admitted to having had Restalyne lip injections that she thought looked “so artificial?” Well, someone really ought to tell her that even though “artificial” sounds like a combination of the words “art-y” and “fish-al,” it doesn’t actually mean “like a paintin’ of that sexy Angelina Jolie fish from Shark Tale.” It means they look like goddamn blood sausages on the verge of bursting through their intestinal casings. With sister Ashlee and boyfriend Tony Romo at Beso last weekend: Related Stories Lindsay Lohan Gets Arrested, Gets Lip Injections Jessica Simpson Dropped by Label Jessica Simpson Recycles Her Daisy Dukes Jessica Simpson to Launch Clothing Line Jessica Simpson is Getting Sued Over Workout Video

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Jessica Simpson’s Trout Pout Resurfaces